If you’re reading this, chances are sports have been a big part of your life—maybe you’re a current or former athlete, a parent of a young competitor, or part of a couple juggling the intensity of seasonal training, game day nerves, and never-ending travel schedules- either as an athlete, coach, or team staff. You know what it means to commit to something fully. You know about sacrifice, focus, and showing up when it counts.
But here’s the play you might be missing: your relationship needs that same energy. That same commitment. That same “mental edge.”
As a married couple and professional couples’ therapists, we specialize in working with athletes and high-performing individuals who are deeply invested in both their sport and their relationship. And we get it on a personal level too: Rashawn (the husband half of this therapy duo) has a long history in sports—from football to basketball to discus throwing. Most recently, he competed in the 2025 World Masters Athletics Indoor Championship. So we live it. And we see the toll it can take.
A supportive partner is the ultimate teammate!
We get that families who love and live sports must work harder to make space for love. The long hours. The physical demands. The constant pressure to perform. It adds up. We see couples and families all the time trying to fit connection into a calendar already dominated by workouts, tournaments, and travel. Yes, it’s fun and thrilling. It also can be draining and stressful.
So today, we want to bring you a mindset shift. One that many professional athletes already know instinctively, but don’t always apply off the field.
Let’s talk about performance mindset in marriage.
The Relationship Game Plan: Apply What You Know to What You Love
Dr. Joel Fish, a well-known sports psychologist, once asked a powerful question:
“What percentage of performance is mental?”
Most athletes say anywhere from 30% to 80%. But here’s the kicker: if we know that mental strength is critical to performance, why aren’t we training our minds for love the same way we train for the sport?
Imagine if you spent even 10 to 15 minutes a week working on your relationship’s mental game. Not venting. Not fixing. Just preparing to connect.
Now that’s a win.
We believe in what Dr. Fish calls the “mental edge”: improving just 3% to 5% in mental focus can create significant gains. In marriage counseling and couples counseling, we help couples gain that edge through intentional practices—just like you would on a team.
The 5 Pillars of Relationship Performance (Straight from the Playbook)
Let’s borrow what you already know from your sport and put it into the context of intimacy, love, and partnership. Dr. Fish defines an athletes “mental edge” to include “confidence, composure, concentration, communication, and teamwork” and we see the overlap in healthy relationships.
- Confidence
Do you believe you’re a great partner? When was the last time you showed up with purpose, like you do on game day?
This is a mental exercise that emphasizes letting go of failure and shifting how you’re thinking and speaking about the relationship.
Confidence is essential in relationships—not the loud kind, but the grounded, consistent kind. In couples counseling, we help people own their value in the relationship, not from ego, but from self-awareness.
Drill: Share three things you appreciate about your partner every week. It’s your pregame warmup for love.
- Composure
No one wins by losing their cool. Athletes know how to stay focused under pressure. Couples need that too.
Think about the last conflict you had. How did you regulate yourself? How fast did it escalate?
Don’t collect penalties. The consequences are too destructive. Compose yourself before you engage. Don’t know how? Reach out!
Pro tip: Take a time-in. Breathe. Then ask, “What are we actually fighting for?”
- Concentration
Distraction is a relationship killer. Are you checking your phone more than you’re checking in with your partner?
Be where your feet are.
Challenge: No phones at dinner three times a week. Game on.
- Communication
Athletes thrive on clear signals. Great couples do too.
In marriage counseling, we work with couples to develop play-by-play communication skills: knowing what to say, when to say it, and how to truly listen.
Skill: Practice reflective listening: “What I hear you saying is…” It might feel awkward at first, but it’s pure gold in conflict recovery.
- Teamwork
This is the ultimate test.
Whether you’re managing a toddler’s sports schedule, coordinating cross-country meetups, or just trying to stay connected during travel seasons—being on the same team matters.
Winning mindset: It’s not you vs. your partner. It’s you AND your partner vs. the problem.
Visualization: Your Next Season as a Couple
Let’s run a quick mental rep.
Picture your relationship like a highlight reel: the wins, the close calls, the near misses, and the celebrations.
Now picture what next season could look like if you were more intentional. More present. More in sync. 
- More laughter after long days.
- More connection between games.
- More ease in managing schedules and love.
- More intimacy, even in chaos.
What’s one play YOU can run today to make that vision real?
Remember: If you’re not thinking about, talking about, and strategizing about how to have a successful relationship, how do you think you will succeed? Osmosis? Nah- that’s for plants not people.
For Parents, Partners, and Competitors
Whether you’re:
- a parent raising an up-and-coming athlete,
- a couple navigating competitive travel schedules,
- or a retired athlete trying to reconnect in your next season of life…
You need a game plan for your relationship.
We’ve seen what happens when love gets pushed to the sidelines. Resentment builds. Intimacy fades. Communication breaks down.
But we’ve also seen what happens when couples treat their relationship like their sport:
- Discipline.
- Investment.
- Coaching.
- Celebration.
That’s when love becomes something sustainable, powerful, and deeply rewarding.
Top 10 Performance Drills for Love
Here are 10 habits we teach our couples to help them build the mental edge in their relationships:
- Morning huddles: Brief daily check-ins to align your day and mood.
- Weekly team meetings: Talk goals, logistics, love.
- Post-game reviews: Reflect after conflict. What went well? What needs tweaking?
- Film study: Study your relationship patterns. Bench what’s not working.
- Stretching: Try new emotional expressions. Stay flexible.
- Fueling: Affection, compliments, kindness. Feed the relationship.
- Cross-training: Learn outside skills that benefit your partnership.
- Rest days: Build in alone time and quality couple time. Balance.
- Coaching: Don’t wait for a crisis to seek help. Get a therapist in your corner. (@elevatingrelationships is here for you!)
- Celebrate wins: Date nights. Rituals. High-fives. Make joy a habit.
Your Mind Can Learn to Love Better
If you can train for a competition, you can train your brain to be a better partner.
There are many ways to ramp up your mental edge- books, podcasts, prayer, conversations with others doing the work, therapy, etc. Professional athletes spend years developing their skill so that they can perform well. Similarly, relationships require dedication, focus, and skill to have a winning relationship.
We see this transformation all the time. When couples commit just a small portion of their mental energy to their relationship, the gains are massive. Be coachable, be flexible, be self-aware, practice what works, stop doing the moves that don’t work- and bring the same intensity and intentionality you offer the sports in your life to your relationship.
Final Timeout: Your Relationship is a Team Sport
Look, we get it. Between training, coaching, raising kids, or competing at a high level—your relationship can feel like one more thing to juggle.
But what if it became your anchor, not your burden?
We’re here to help you build that. Whether you’re traveling every weekend, navigating retirement from the sport you dedicated your life to, or parenting the next generation of champions, your relationship deserves its own training plan.
If you want to bring a championship mindset to your marriage, your dating life, or your family, we’re here for it.
PS: We specialize in working with professional athletes, sports-minded individuals, and couples who want to thrive both on and off the field. As a husband-and-wife team with our own roots in competition, we know what it takes to win—and we’ll help you do the same in love.
Your greatest victories should include your relationship.